eau de porneau.

Step One: Checking In
This is possibly the easiest part. Just make sure you’ve got legit identification. I had my student ID card, and almost got nailed. Bring any ID you’ve got. SIN card, bank card, medical marijuana card… anything to prove you is who you says you is. If your baggage is big and fat, you might have to pay them off to let it on. This is proof of the power of the almighty George dollar. Or whatever.

Step Two: Waiting
For some reason beyond my own comprehension, you actually have to be on time for flights. Not just that, but you have to be there like, three fucking hours early. Don’t fret. It’s all a sham to drive you into the airport lounge where you’ll imbibe three vodka tonics and a pint of beer before you board said flight (Well guys, pat yourselves on the back. It worked.)

Step Three: Boarding
So after you’ve waited around for three hours, you have to go to the boarding terminal where you’ll (wait for it.. wait for it…) wait even more. You just go there and sit down for like, an hour. Then some guys show up (Probably the same guys you checked in with. At least it was for me.) Then you give them your ticket and walk through a big tube onto the flight.

Step Four: Actually Flying
Airplane food fucking sucks. It’s actually not good, whatsoever. Even I wouldn’t eat it, and that’s saying a lot. Other than that, you basically try and sleep. Unless you’re like me and have shit luck. You’ll know this if you can’t sleep, because some seven year old antichrist is in the seat behind you pretending your seat is a fucking leg press. I’m sorry if you’re reading this, little girl. Learn from it.

Step Five: Getting off, and getting your shit
I think I messed something up by being one of the first to check in. It seemed I was the last guy to get my baggage. Try and check in a bit late and let me know how it works out. I bet you’ll get it within 40 minutes, unlike me. Other than that, the baggage claim is a strong testament to human nature. You’ll see what I mean.

Anyways, I’m here in Halifax now and I’m safe and alive, in case anyone in my family is reading this / cares. Pictures soon.

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